I know I'm supposed to feel anxious and like I can't wait for my referral. But really I don't know if it feels real yet. I have been reading Yahoo groups on China adoption, downloading lists of what to do while waiting, what to pack, ad infinitum. I'm sure it will feel more "real" as we get closer. I love looking at the pictures of the CCAI kids in their calendar, and imagining what ours will look like. It's sort of a stupid pastime because chances are, our kid won't look anything like any of those kids, especially the "after" pictures. The referral pictures look sorta pathetic: the kids are all packed into lots of layers, Michelin-man style. They have sad, mad, scared or bored looks on their faces, and lots of them have rotten orphanage haircuts: snipped off or shaved any old way.